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  • Evander's Ear

    Would you eat Evander's ear?
    Would you, Mikey? Tell me clear.

    I would not like that ear to eat.
    I do not think it would taste sweet.
    Ears are flavored bitter, friend,
    and they've been known careers to end.

    Could you eat that fleshy thing?
    Would you eat it in the ring?
    Would you bite it on a dare
    and store it in the Fridgidaire?

    I could not store it in the fridge.
    It is mostly cartilage.
    I will not bite Evander's flesh
    whether frozen, fried or fresh.

    You could be tempted, this I know
    If things do not the right way go.
    Your tiny brain will start to shout,
    "This is a way to get me out!"

    I will not eat it on a dare,
    I will not eat it hanging there.
    Even if the fight I lose
    that's not a mouthful I would chewz.

    Would you eat it in the ring?
    Would you eat it for Don King?

    Don King can ask, and ask, ask he
    won't goad me 'cause that is nasty.

    But what of head butts from Evander?
    He'll knock your noodle, you know he can, sir.

    He can butt me all he likes.
    That does not mean his ear I bites.

    Oh no! He butted Mikey's head!
    He butted it just like I said!
    Bite his ear! For vengence sake!
    Nibble on it like a snake.

    I would not, could not bite his ear!
    It would cost me my career.

    Bite it, Mikey! Bite it off!
    Or are you starting to get soft?

    OK! OK! I'll bite that thing!
    I will bite it in the ring.
    Hey... Tastes just like chicken from Colonel Sanders!
    I like this chunk of ear Evander's.
    Now I would like a second bite.
    A guy gets hungry in the fight.

    You bit it! Geez! You bit his ear!
    Our lust for blood ain't that severe.
    You need control inside the ring.
    Now there's two Mikeys who'll eat anything!
    One bite is fine, but two's too much.
    You make us want to toss up lunch.
    We shelled out big for Pay-per-view
    To watch a fight, not have to spew.
    You'll be fined three million smackers.
    And have to refund all your backers.
    They paid to see you beat him bloody.
    Not bite his ears. That's yuchy, buddy.
    Why did you bite him? What's the scoop?
    Why to gnawing did you stoop?

    It was anger! I saw red!
    When he butted on my head!
    Things just happen in the ring.

    When boxers snap, they do weird things.
    We don't buy it. You're a pro! We
    Must know all! The whole damn story!

    OK, OK. You've earned the right.
    You paid fifty bucks to watch the fight.
    Why did I bite him? Here's the tale --
    I got a taste for it in jail.

    Wow. What a story. Now tell us, Mike,
    What your future plans are like.

    I think I'll sell off all the rights
    To market various merchandise.
    We'll sell action figures! What a trip!
    Like "Iron Mike" with "Kung Chew" grip.

    So you bit him on the ear.
    That's all we'll hear about, I fear,
    until some other news breaks clear
    And pushes biting to the rear.
    I guess we like it when we see
    People biting on TV.
    We only have ourselves to blame
    for watching such a bloody game.
    Would YOU decline his ear to bite
    If you got paid 10 mil per fight?
    Let me! I'd bite it in the ring!
    I'd bite it off! I'd eat the thing!
    I'd swallow it with Gatorade --
    For one tenth of what Mike got paid.